The Eve of 51

Just writing the title made me burst into tears.  Not for growing older...I'm thankful for every day in this lifetime.  Not for physically feeling much older than I am, though I have shed too many tears pondering that truth.  Not for fading looks, because I now know that how someone looks is the most insignificant thing about him/her.  I'm sad because I look back on the 51 years I've lived and my life has fallen so short of what I thought it may be.  What have I done that's mattered?  What have I done to make this world a better place?   Why didn't I realize so much sooner what I wanted to become, and set about becoming it?   The question that sums all my feelings up is, "Is this all there is?"   By asking this question, I'm not implying that I'm unhappy (I'm not), have a bad life (I don't), or lacking for anything (I'm not).  I know I'm blessed and fortunate to have the life I have, and the people I have in it.  I'm thankful for that every single day.  It's very hard for me explain...but that's what I have on my mind on the eve of my 51st birthday.   XXO