Thursday, September 23, 2010

Dear Deb;

I wish I could talk with you and hear all the stories of your latest adventure. Gawd, how I miss you! It’s been a tough week and I have wished a thousand times that I could come running to you and hear your words of wisdom and let you tell me that everything will be ok. You were so very strong, right up to the end, and I am healthy and fine and not half as strong as you were. I guess you heard what I said at your memorial, and it was so true.

Speaking of the memorial--excuse me, celebration--were you happy with it? I know you wont be surprised to hear how nervous I was about it, but it could not have turned out better. Cyana did a wonderful job as the MC. And everyone there spoke, and it was such a special time of sharing our stories about you. And I know you loved the butterflies! Though I was the one who handed them out for the release, it was Nancy’s idea to get them. It was perfection. I ended up bonding with one of Dan’s coworkers because we admired each other’s hair!

Speaking of Dan…I have failed there. I had every intention of checking in on him and the boys, but I haven’t seen them since the celebration. I have checked in on the boys on facebook a time or two, but I know that isn’t enough. I saw Nick’s new picture the other day and he looks so much like you that I busted out crying right then and there. I am still so angry over the fact that they have to grow up without you. What the fuck???? I just don’t understand. I know I know, I can hear you now and what you would be saying to me, but still!!

The bench at the park was finally installed, but I haven’t been to visit it yet. I printed off the map today and am going to check it out on Saturday, it and the brick in the walkway. I hope no one calls the police if they find me sitting there sobbing.

I had a show in May that went really well, but I don’t think I have to tell you that. I was using that special display box you gave me to show some pendants in, and don’t think I didn’t see that butterfly that kept flying all around it. My other Deb friend, Bead Deb, was with me, and she and I both had tears in our eyes. I think it was because of you that I sold all my canvases. And therefore because of you that I decided to make more. I have a show in November and that very night I have to take what’s left to Fat Cat, because the next day is her Holiday Open House. I’m having this display built to show all my work on, and the whole thing is going to be in Gwen’s gallery! I got a professional printer, so in addition to my originals I will also have prints, cards, and prints on wood, all displayed in one place. I wanted to really make an impact and she totally went for it. I am so excited but also stressed out….yea, I know. I know. So anyway I really don’t expect you to show up as a butterfly in November, but you could show up as a crow or something to help a sister out. It’s November 6th, State Street. If you’re not busy.

Halloween is just around the corner. It will be tough, remembering last year when you and I were out and about on one of our shopping days, with me dressed as a witch. But I wouldn’t give up my memories for anything. I was introduced to so many places and things because of you girl. Your life was so short but you sure knew how to give it your all. I wish I would have learned that from you. Do you think there’s still hope? I am totally open to any assistance you may want to send from the beyond or whatever you call it. And I know what you’re thinking, that I wouldn’t listen to you when you had a mouth and could speak to me, so I probably wouldn’t listen now. It’s the same ole shit anyway, just a different day. A very different day without you.

1 comment:

Jeanne Nelson said...

Chandra, what a beautiful post in memory of your friend. I can only imagine that her loving tenderness is shining down on you today, with a huge smile on her angelic face, thrilled that she had such an impact on you, and that you realize the butterfly was her presence, and that you still hold her close in your heart and memories.

And, I cannot help but comment on the peek at your newest (I suppose?) canvases! I want to see MORE ~~ the sneak of a peek is making me want to reach through the screen, pick one of those suckers up and see what else is there! OMG! Your show is going to rock! Selfishly, I can't wait until it's come and we can get together again, ;), and I can hear all about your show and see pictures (I hope!) of what all you sold. Thinking of you, girlie, and sending big {{{HUGS}}} your way, xoxo ~~ Jeanne

The Eve of 51

Just writing the title made me burst into tears.  Not for growing older...I'm thankful for every day in this lifetime.  Not for physical...