Cryin' in the rain

That's what I did...but let me start from the beginning....today was an awful day from the start because I was in pain from the moment I stepped out of bed....hell, from the moment I reached to turn the alarm off. I have no idea what's going on with my back, but that's another story. Work is never pleasant, simply because I am in close proximity to people who drive me nuts on a good day, and who I fantasize about running over with a truck on bad ones. So that combined with the pain made for one helluva Monday. BUT THEN....I pull into the driveway at home right in front of my hubby. I am getting groceries out of the car as he gets the mail, and we walk in together....he says "you've got 2 things here", referring to the mail. One glance at the envelopes and I know exactly what they are. So I hurriedly put the groceries away, make myself a STIFF vodka & cran juice, and take my drink and my mail to my favorite chair. The smaller envelope is from Jane--the prize I won in her random blog drawing. It a package of various handmade papers, included some she "rusted", and a little pouch that looks to be made out of sisal. It is adorable and the papers are FAB! Thanks Jane!!! Then onto the bigger envelope, which is Gina Armfield's new zine, Artful Purpose. It is the very first issue and is dedicated to art journaling. There are tons of ideas and tips, and also interviews with several artists, including Nina! Well you know I loved that, since I love Nina! Gina also included other goodies with the mag--an alphabet stencil, an altered tag, a moo card, some joss paper, and some tabs. Check out her blog if you are interested in getting this mag, if there are any left, or a future mag if she does anymore. So by that time I was feeling much better, and to top things off it had started to storm....just some mild thunder and a few flashes of lightening, but since I love storms, I wanted to be closer. So I went out on the deck, where it was just sprinking rain, and sat down in my adirondack chair. It was so relaxing, just sitting there hearing the storm, with rain falling on my legs (my upper body was protected since it was under an overhang on the house). Then I started to cry. I am a real big cryer if I let myself get started, so I really try to keep the crying to a minimum. During a cry my eyes always swell up, and my sinuses start pitching a fit and I feel like shit later, so I would rather just avoid all that by not crying. But tonight it was like I was making up for lost time, because the stronger the storm got the harder and louder I cried. I was thinking about reading the magazine, with all the stories and tidbits about artists who are following their dreams and doing what they love, and then there's me, going to a job every day that I can barely tolerate. I have hopes and dreams, but don't have a clue how to make them happen. Why can't I be doing something I love, something I look forward to, instead of waking up with dread every day. Yea, I was having one big pity party. I sat there and cried for about 20 minutes, and then realized my jeans were soaked and I was shivering, so I reluctantly came inside and went up to change clothes. I cried a little more before I got it all out of my system, and then I was ok. I had read something in Gina's mag about how to use an existing book as a journal by ripping the guts out of it and going from there, so I got involved in doing that and felt back to normal. I did spray paint those pants yesterday, and I will post pics tomorrow, hopefully. I like them but don't know how they will hold up in the wash, because I think I used too much paint, but I am gonna wear them tomorrow, which hopefully will be a better day....no, it WILL BE a better day!!!!

Comments

Adrienne Berry said…
Chandra,

I know exactly how you feel. I too sit at my desk or in traffic, thinking I hate this!! Why can't I be ,Nina, Lesley, Misty or Claudine, fulfilling their dreams of travel and making art. Every since A&S I'm so ansy to get out there and do something. It's seems all these "great" are so established in their art. I make so many different things not one style. I have an art show I'm doing in June and I thought I knew what I was bringing , now I feel like I have everything and want to throw in the towel. I love your spray paint papers. I see a line of scrap book papers coming out of that! You go girl. Our dreams will come true too!

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